Existence Crisis

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TRIGGER WARNING

I have been having one hell of a morning inside my head and I need to get it out.  If you are easily upset or have issues with existence and don’t want to be depressed today then please, DO NOT READ THIS ENTRY.  Look at puppy photos instead…

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https://www.google.com/search?q=puppy+photos&rlz=1C1VFKB_enUS685US690&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=3u_57kUtaKoLhM%253A%252C5KMC1IX1OWFb4M%252C_&usg=AI4_-kTAxeqlUyCGFKi3RVA5SAj-GWzyoQ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiSvenkibbeAhUrq4MKHUZMDRcQ9QEwAXoECAMQBg#imgrc=uXQhbgOwJDe-nM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, For those of you that are morbidly curious, here is my thought process this morning:

What’s the point.  Not a question.  A statement.

We are born, we grow old, we die.  Done, end of story.  So what’s the point.  to have kids?  no, the world is full of death by unnatural causes, deciet, grief, and disgust.  I’m not saying that life isn’t about struggle, because it is, but why do we struggle?  We’re just going to die.

“You have to make the world a better place for the future of mankind!”  Why?  They’re going to die too.  The generations before us didn’t do shit.  Made things to make life easier and longer.  But why?  Because we’re afraid of death?  So what.  There’s nothing after this life.  NOTHING.  There’s no point in good or bad.  It’s just instinct and a societal agreement. But last i checked, SOCIETY SUCKS.  Racism is such a huge issue that i will never fully comprehend because i’m just a basic white bitch who’s terrified of going anywhere by myself.

“You live to make experiences!”  But you die in the end.  Again, no point to it.  One person cannot change the world and be fully remembered.  I’m just a stupid peon in life.I don’t know enough to help anyone and I can’t learn fast enough in order to make a difference.  I’m just a stupid preschooler.

What’s worse is I feel like I’m pushing my want to help the world onto my son.  He’s 3 and so smart.  Doctor’s and nurses tell me he’s something special and I know he is.  And it kills me to know that one day, he’ll die too.  Long after losing me and his dad.

 

I can’t even cry right now.  Every time i start, my depression and anxiety kicks in.  ‘you’re just crying to get attention.’  ‘you’re blogging for attention’ ‘you’re dead inside, just go walk in front of a bus’ ‘you’ll never make a difference in this world’ 

I can’t make them stop.  Creative output is out.  I have no drive to do anything.  No painting. No crocheting.  Just work.

All I want to do is curl up and disappear.  Just for a little while.

 

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We have the technology!!!

I finally signed up for an email address for green witch creations.  I’m really excited to finally start being more business like…

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We’re about to have our first showing at The New Age Shop in Des Moines on July 23rd.  If you wanna stop buy and say “HI!  OMG I follow your blog and I want to buy one of everything!”  Please, feel free.

I’m really hoping to save up enough money to be getting a camper soon so I can have my own little space.  Not that I mind sleeping in the living room or anything (Thank you Crystal and Adam) but there is just something about sleeping in your own room that doesn’t get invaded every morning (and rightly so… the TV is there) that seems really nice.

Also, i’m totally naming it the Platform 529 3/4 because i’m amazing and play on fandoms is awesome.  If anyone has suggestions for what else I should paint on my camper or if you would like to suggest anything for me to make and sell feel free to send me an email.

GreenWitchCreations@gmail.com is officially open for business.

I am also planning on adding pictures of all our products that we sell… i’m just not sure on how to do that yet since I deleted the etsy shop.

Crying tears of…. wtf

So, I quit McDonalds in Pella.  They’re ridiculously understaffed, even as I waited patiently for my final 2 weeks of work to end, 5 people either quit or got fired.

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I am losing my shit as one after another crew members (essentially children) call in to quit or are fired for being arrested.

That’s right.  McDonald’s is Gangsta.

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So…. that’s the good news..

The bad news is that even before i put in my two weeks, I had been applying to other jobs in and around the community.  Did i hear back?  Nope.  Not a one.

So now i’m about to get my last paycheck thinking ‘how tf am i going to get money to pay for gas’

~Insert tears of dispair~  I don’t dare breathe a word to my old coworkers cause all they would say is “you can come back to work anytime!” and my answer would be to stick out my tongue at them… then reapply….

fml