I should get to keep stray dogs.

This is Cruella.

She is lovable, soft, sweet, quiet, and snuggly. She is also, sadly, not mine.

Give me a second to explain.

I’m not a doggo napper if any kind, i sure you. I noticed she was in my neighbor’s yard but my neighbor’s don’t have a dog. Trust me, their girls would probably never get over the fact that they have a dog.

Anyway, I have been trying to convince Ben to let me keep her, but he’s pretty adamant about letting animal control take her. Of course I agree butt this does not stop me from trying to convince him to let me keep her.

Oh well.

P.s. Animal control now has her and I hope she gets home soon.

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Who can you call?

No one. Not at the moment. Ben is in the bedroom being grumpy at me because i don’t want to talk about the fact that I’m unhappy with the basement flooding with our own refuse because he refuses to skip a credit card bill or whatever to get it fixed. Instead he paid for a guy to clean out the pipes to give us “hopefully” a couple of months to save up.

My biggest problem?

Probably the fact that i made a decision as a grown ass person and mother to not allow my son to live in this house until the pipes are fixed. Hooray for me but Ben doesnt see it that way. He thinks i made a dumb decision (my words not his) to not have David here. Of course all i can think about is the fact that i still don’t have a job, I’m still living in this house, my house isn’t sold yet, I’m still not fucking divorced, and… i still can’t make a living doing anything.

Le sigh….

I know i shouldn’t try to rush things with the systems set up but I’ve been applying for jobs for months and i have nothing. I would upload my resume but that might be tmi.

Anyway… rant dinner for now. Here’s a couple of pictures i colored in to keep from hurting myself.

P.s. still thinking suicidal thoughts and they’re making me sick because all i can think of is saying goodbye to my son. The scariest thing is thinking about is how my brain is convinced he won’t miss me. *sobbing now*

Kermits naked hermit

No. I dont have Kermit nor am i naked. 

But it is day 2 of not leaving the house.  YouTube and Alexa are my best friends and the dogs are my reality checks, however faulty. I say they’re faulty because they have a tendency to go off spontaneously.  Thoughts of exercise float and poke me in the head but the couch and sleep usually win. 

It’s darker in the living room than the bedroom, which means that my makeshift curtains are working. 
The kitchen windows are still uncovered so i don’t go in there much. 

My delusions are not as strong during the day so I’ve been able to sweep/ mop the hardwood floors and do some laundry. Though, i can’t bring any baskets up because they hinder running up the stairs. I think january is sleeping and i don’t want to wake them up.