I really like telling stories. Not really to anyone in general but mostly in my head because I make great short stories in my head that will probably never become a full fledged novel or even a short story.
Got any ideas? I’ve got email. I’m happy to read them, give pointers/what i think would be cool (because really i’m not much of a writer myself) because bouncing ideas is fun and bouncy.
ok. so one idea i had was about bubbles. i know it sounds weird, but you guys should know me by now and if you’re already this deep into this blog you’re accepting of the crazy. I appreciate and fear your tenacity.
So! Bubbles. as in, our own little bubble worlds. The ones where if you peek inside of a group of people walking around the mall, they will have a completely different world going on compared to the next bubble, and the next bubble, and the next bubble, AND FOREVER…. So my writing idea was about writing different stories based on one person in each bubble then either that being the end, or having something really climatic happen and you probably already know where i’m going on this….
I love the fact that Peridot from Steven Universe just accepted and rolled with her alienness. accepting the stickers and other weird things and making meepmorps. I would get her gem tattooed on me but I think i would have a hard time keeping a job at that point.
(quick note that google wanted to change peridot to period and alienness to aliveness and that just makes my hour.)
So I’ve been doing better as far as my mental illness goes. Some days are worse because I have to go to therapy or do SSI paperwork and I have to relive a lot of stuff and it makes me sad and anxious and have to take more meds than i wanted to today. Thanks a lot deb.
Sorry if your name is deb. I’m sure it isn’t you that i’m frustrated at. But you could be.
Why you should duck when people say “BOO!”
I call them my Boos and when people are being rude or say mean things or are just being aggravating and anxiety inducing I yell boo and throw one. They have grown into 4 and more will come. If you want one let me know. They’re 10$ in my store.
If anyone is wondering (mostly because i’m not sure if I’ve done this before or not) but I know that I am putting the dollar sign after the numbers because that’s how I read it/ say it so that’s how i’m spelling it. Society be damned. I don’t like having to look back to the beginning of your big numbers and have to go is it dollars, cents, yin, or euros? Fuck people I have things to read!
Say hi to me. Or your neighbor. Or no one if you don’t want to.
Oh my goodness. So much has happened lately that I feel really bad for both not blogging about it before and for blogging about it now.
In the past (sorry, got distracted helping my BFF find some stuff for her homework… where was i?) oh
in the past week i have turned 27, david has turned 3, I was denied an apartment, ben fixed up part of the basement for me to use as my own space, I single handedly took down the government, ad I’m now friends with an ex-con. I’ll let you determine which parts are real.
Beyond those things i have also been comfortable living on my own via living my my BFF’s house because she was away and sometimes boys are stupid and you need to take some time away from them. I have brought it to the attention of a few people that maybe i need to just go full lesbian but decided that getting a motorcycle was just out of the question financially…. for now anyway. Plus, where would I put the carseat?
Sorry if that last paragraph offended you. I know that who you love is not a choice and sometimes we end up loving people who make you crazy and accuse you of losing your mind even when you’re on the mend. I’m pretty sure ben has decided to either not read my blog for his own sanity or he just doesn’t bring it up. Also, I in no way meant to imply that all lesbians have motorcycles like the buffalo gals of cow and chicken yesteryear. I just look up to you all from a light of “holy shit these people are all so cool, why are they staring at me? Oh yeah, I’m naked.”
(Three Friends by John Curran)
No, this isn’t a picture of me. This is actual art so no one can be offended and block me. I hope.
I really need to make more friends. Like, even one more friend would be good. I know that lots of people survive on being alone and in the internet which i am totally no dogging on. I’m just not that type of person. The only problem is that i only have 2 close friends that live near me that I can hang out with when needed/wanted/called upon. One is my partner and the other is my best friend. Unfortunately my BFF is moving to a different state this summer. Which is super amazing for them because they’ll be following their plans and dreams and continue being a super amazing person. The unfortunate thing is that I cannot go with them, not that I should or whatever, but this means i’m down one person that can get me out of the house when i really need to be pulled out.
Depression totally sucks. vodka is delicious.
I do not promote drinking while depressed or while on anti depressants.
Please drink responsibly….
and when you’re done please drink some water because hangovers suck.
She is lovable, soft, sweet, quiet, and snuggly. She is also, sadly, not mine.
Give me a second to explain.
I’m not a doggo napper if any kind, i sure you. I noticed she was in my neighbor’s yard but my neighbor’s don’t have a dog. Trust me, their girls would probably never get over the fact that they have a dog.
Anyway, I have been trying to convince Ben to let me keep her, but he’s pretty adamant about letting animal control take her. Of course I agree butt this does not stop me from trying to convince him to let me keep her.
P.s. Animal control now has her and I hope she gets home soon.
No one. Not at the moment. Ben is in the bedroom being grumpy at me because i don’t want to talk about the fact that I’m unhappy with the basement flooding with our own refuse because he refuses to skip a credit card bill or whatever to get it fixed. Instead he paid for a guy to clean out the pipes to give us “hopefully” a couple of months to save up.
My biggest problem?
Probably the fact that i made a decision as a grown ass person and mother to not allow my son to live in this house until the pipes are fixed. Hooray for me but Ben doesnt see it that way. He thinks i made a dumb decision (my words not his) to not have David here. Of course all i can think about is the fact that i still don’t have a job, I’m still living in this house, my house isn’t sold yet, I’m still not fucking divorced, and… i still can’t make a living doing anything.
I know i shouldn’t try to rush things with the systems set up but I’ve been applying for jobs for months and i have nothing. I would upload my resume but that might be tmi.
Anyway… rant dinner for now. Here’s a couple of pictures i colored in to keep from hurting myself.
P.s. still thinking suicidal thoughts and they’re making me sick because all i can think of is saying goodbye to my son. The scariest thing is thinking about is how my brain is convinced he won’t miss me. *sobbing now*
But it is day 2 of not leaving the house. YouTube and Alexa are my best friends and the dogs are my reality checks, however faulty. I say they’re faulty because they have a tendency to go off spontaneously. Thoughts of exercise float and poke me in the head but the couch and sleep usually win.
It’s darker in the living room than the bedroom, which means that my makeshift curtains are working. The kitchen windows are still uncovered so i don’t go in there much.
My delusions are not as strong during the day so I’ve been able to sweep/ mop the hardwood floors and do some laundry. Though, i can’t bring any baskets up because they hinder running up the stairs. I think january is sleeping and i don’t want to wake them up.