A story to tell…

I really like telling stories.  Not really to anyone in general but mostly in my head because I make great short stories in my head that will probably never become a full fledged novel or even a short story.

Got any ideas?  I’ve got email.  I’m happy to read them, give pointers/what i think would be cool (because really i’m not much of a writer myself) because bouncing ideas is fun and bouncy.

ok.  so one idea i had was about bubbles.  i know it sounds weird, but you guys should know me by now and if you’re already this deep into this blog you’re accepting of the crazy.  I appreciate and fear your tenacity.

So!  Bubbles.  as in, our own little bubble worlds.  The ones where if you peek inside of a group of people walking around the mall, they will have a completely different world going on compared to the next bubble, and the next bubble, and the next bubble, AND FOREVER….  So my writing idea was about writing different stories based on one person in each bubble then either that being the end, or having something really climatic happen and you probably already know where i’m going on this….

 

Am I really that predictable?

BOO! *duck*

I love the fact that Peridot from Steven Universe just accepted and rolled with her alienness.  accepting the stickers and other weird things and making meepmorps.  I would get her gem tattooed on me but I think i would have a hard time keeping a job at that point.

(quick note that google wanted to change peridot to period and alienness to aliveness and that just makes my hour.)

So I’ve been doing better as far as my mental illness goes.  Some days are worse because I have to go to therapy or do SSI paperwork and I have to relive a lot of stuff and it makes me sad and anxious and have to take more meds than i wanted to today.  Thanks a lot deb.

Sorry if your name is deb.  I’m sure it isn’t you that i’m frustrated at.  But you could be.

Why you should duck when people say “BOO!”

I call them my Boos and when people are being rude or say mean things or are just being aggravating and anxiety inducing I yell boo and throw one.  They have grown into 4 and more will come.  If you want one let me know.  They’re 10$ in my store.

 

If anyone is wondering (mostly because i’m not sure if I’ve done this before or not) but I know that I am putting the dollar sign after the numbers because that’s how I read it/ say it so that’s how i’m spelling it.  Society be damned.  I don’t like having to look back to the beginning of your big numbers and have to go is it dollars, cents, yin, or euros?  Fuck people I have things to read!

Moving on.

Say hi to me.  Or your neighbor.  Or no one if you don’t want to.

BYE.

Holy Cannolies, Batman!

Oh my goodness.  So much has happened lately that I feel really bad for both not blogging about it before and for blogging about it now.

In the past (sorry, got distracted helping my BFF find some stuff for her homework… where was i?)  oh

in the past week i have turned 27, david has turned 3, I was denied an apartment, ben fixed up part of the basement for me to use as my own space, I single handedly took down the government, ad I’m now friends with an ex-con.  I’ll let you determine which parts are real.

Beyond those things i have also been comfortable living on my own via living my my BFF’s house because she was away and sometimes boys are stupid and you need to take some time away from them.  I have brought it to the attention of a few people that maybe i need to just go full lesbian but decided that getting a motorcycle was just out of the question financially…. for now anyway.  Plus, where would I put the carseat?

SIDECAR BITCHES.

Sorry if that last paragraph offended you.  I know that who you love is not a choice and sometimes we end up loving people who make you crazy and accuse you of losing your mind even when you’re on the mend.  I’m pretty sure ben has decided to either not read my blog for his own sanity or he just doesn’t bring it up.  Also, I in no way meant to imply that all lesbians have motorcycles like the buffalo gals of cow and chicken yesteryear.  I just look up to you all from a light of “holy shit these people are all so cool, why are they staring at me?  Oh yeah, I’m naked.”

download (Three Friends by John Curran)

No, this isn’t a picture of me.  This is actual art so no one can be offended and block me.  I hope.

 

Please love me?

 

Damn.

I hate mondays.

Woke up and went to work, as per usual, with a lovely blanket of snow and ice this morning.  Made it safe, so it wasn’t too bad.  I was hoping the day would go quickly because I didn’t have a chance to make myself lunch.

I really should not have even thought those words.

*DUN DUN DUUUNNNNN*

I got laid off work today.  They are being generous enough that they will pay me my wages through the rest of the week (yay free money! ish) but that also means that I get to stay home.  Alone.  and wait.

I did have an interview today with a temp agency.  That went fairly well, except that it was over skype and the connection kept getting frayed.  I don’t know if it was hers or mine but it was ridiculous.  Not to mention the fact that she had to have been in a phone bank, what with all the noise.  I was sitting in Clara’s nice and quiet office.  I guess the agency doesn’t believe in that sort of thing.

Now i’m at home, with a grumpy ben cause he’s in pain and grumpy about it.  Oh well.

I get to sleep in tomorrow before the ever fated appointment of change tomorrow.

I”m terrified.

Kermits naked hermit

No. I dont have Kermit nor am i naked. 

But it is day 2 of not leaving the house.  YouTube and Alexa are my best friends and the dogs are my reality checks, however faulty. I say they’re faulty because they have a tendency to go off spontaneously.  Thoughts of exercise float and poke me in the head but the couch and sleep usually win. 

It’s darker in the living room than the bedroom, which means that my makeshift curtains are working. 
The kitchen windows are still uncovered so i don’t go in there much. 

My delusions are not as strong during the day so I’ve been able to sweep/ mop the hardwood floors and do some laundry. Though, i can’t bring any baskets up because they hinder running up the stairs. I think january is sleeping and i don’t want to wake them up. 

Thursday struggles

Trigger warning: anxiety, depression, self harm.
Please, don’t take me for a fool fore i won’t take you as one. But i swear, the pictures began talking to me. 

Let me explain, my job is to sort preschool pictures, weigh them, and dump them. The reasons are too complex to explain in this blog but if you really want to know, shoot me an email. 

At work i like to listen to audiobooks to escape the drole of paper repititiously being moved along desks and hands.   Plus it gives a louder voice for all the other ones to sit in a circle during story time and try to relax. 

Unfortunately, they were given too much sugar and won’t sit down, let alone listen to the story. So i tried to ground, breathing in and pushing out roots to try to bring me back to myself.  Next time I’m bringing a rope. 

Today is a day for flying. I want to go home and curl up in my blankets and sleep all day. I cant focus and makes working even more difficult. I actual stared  at my box cutter and had thoughts of self harm to try to bring me back to myself. I haven’t so far today and I’ll continue trying to keep myself in the building. 

Thank the gods that i have therapy today. 

P.S. the book I’m listening to is A Study in Scarlet Women by Sherry Thomas.  I highly recommend it. 

Oh Wednesday…. You’re just so… weird.

As I got up for work, I knew that today was going to be… a struggle.  I crawled into my freezing van and prayed to Loki that my van wouldn’t start.  The damned thing did and I swore vengeance upon it, but silently in my head because I really don’t want to die driving.  A voice from behind me said something about dying on the way to work wouldn’t be so bad because then we wouldn’t have to go to work, then another piped in with something about injury was better than death and I just rolled my eyes as they started arguing semantics and wiggled out of the van to let it warm up.

The voices followed me inside into the warm house and continued their bickering but I had no time for it.  I had two other voices telling me that I needed to pack a lunch and had to figure out what I wanted to eat for lunch.  One said “Just pack peanut butter and chocolate chips.  That’ll fill us up.” the other one, shaking their head, said “No, you need more than just that.  That’s the whole reason we’re fat!”

Shaking my own head, I grab a coffee mug, fill it with water, and take my meds.  They haven’t been all that great lately, only keeping one or two of the voices in their rooms, tucked away in their warm and cozy beds probably dreaming up new ways to kill and or torture me.  They worked at first and that was when they let me out of the hospital.  But I guess one of them decided they wouldn’t listen to the sleeping bells anymore.  Then they got bored just being one and woke up another, then another, and now it’s like a daycare with adult vocabulary.  A Fraternity/Sorority mixed together.

Sorry, I just got distracted by Mama’s Family and now I can’t remember where this post was going.  Hang on, let me think.

Found it.  Basically, today was just weird.  I had plans to go shopping that fell through because it was just so cold out.  Work went by so slow I wanted to badly to fall asleep and take a nap.  I made plans for this weekend with my son, made sure that he approved (he’s two, if he doesn’t agree with something then we both suffer) then went home.  And there we stayed.  And here we are now.  Though, David is now asleep and i’m laying on the couch, blogging, with all the pain meds i could find and a heating pad to top it off.

Anyway, Therapy is tomorrow so it will be better.

P.S. I have started my first day of no poo shampoo showers.  Using Rye Flour I’m hoping to save money by using this method but I really need to learn to read all the directions before starting such things.  Maybe next week will be my first week with the Rye Flour shampoo.