One of my favorite things to do while home alone, spreading out shots my king size mattress in my jammies, us watch documentaries.
I usually watch the every intriguing ‘conspiracy’ ones or ‘serial killers and their secrets (because we’re secretly hoping you become a copy cat killer, Judy)’. They don’t say it but why else would they provide every detail including HOW THEY FUCKED UP.
Goodnight I have landed on weird things in the world. Apparently dogs and cows can sense the magnetism of the earth and that’s why they spin.
I’m not sure why scientists are researching silly things like this but I like it. I want them to do more.
Inn the flip side… I’m tired. Shit is happening at work and one problem is going to be taken care of and I’m wondering if anything else is happening but I’ll have to wait until Monday.
So I don’t know about you guys, but since starting my anti-anxiety meds instead of having full-on panic attacks I will have moments of self hatred but not coming from myself. I know that doesn’t necessarily make sense but here’s one way that I can describe it:
My brain is a Megabus.
Usually everyone’s quiet and is along for the ride most of them are sleeping others are equipping in with obvious observations about the outside world. Some are even having social-psychological conversations with themselves giving me quite a bit to think about. But when I start to have a lot of anxiety they all wake up and they’re all start shouting at me, the bus driver. And they begin driving from every seat in the bus but my own. If anyone has worked in retail you will probably understand this. Being the bus driver means that I can’t react I can simply say shut up period sometimes but usually it’s just shut up.
But sometimes my mind is a terrorist.
And because I’m American I’m sure I have to sit here and explain that no I do not mean someone wearing a turban speaking Arabic or someone from another country that other less educated Americans would believe to be terrorists. I apologize if I offend anyone I really do not mean to this is not the point of my blog. I’m actually quite fascinated with cultures languages and people around the world and if you would love to talk to me please message me. Or not I would totally understand. As I have told my boyfriend you should not stick your dick in crazy or let crazy stick it stick and you. And I’m sure that correlates to messaging crazy people. But don’t quote me on that or do I don’t care. Maybe I do. Shit.
Any way back from that rant what I mean by my mind is a terrorist is the fact that sometimes those passengers who like to say mean things about how I’m driving like to jump into my lap or completely remove me from the driver seat and decide to drive it the way they want to which unfortunately is not always healthy for the bus AKA my body? Anyway so I take a an Emergency anti-anxiety pill which isn’t currently working.
I won’t bore, or scare, you with all the things that my brain tends to come up with but I can tell you that they are not nice and they are really demoralising and saddening.
Anyway, I’m currently house sitting for my best friend at the moment and will be for the next week so yay me and doing things on my own. hashtag trial run living on my own for the first time in my ever fucking life. But that story comes later.
I feel like im 5 again. I had to force myself to take my night time depression meds which are supposed to help me sleep (they don’t) and are supposed to pair up with my day time anti depressant to help stop my depression and anxiety. Neither are currently working correctly and nightmares abound.
I was watching Black Mirror, which is turning out to be really interesting. Unfortunately Netflix has decided that it doesn’t want to watch anymore Black Mirror and now I’m watching Gilmore Girls. Of course I’m starving but i’m trying really hard to stay in bed. It helps that ben is sleep obsessed with cuddling me. I’m really surprised he hasn’t woken up while I’ve been typing this.
I have orientation for McDonald’s Thursday. I’m excited and bored already. They are having it at one of the corporate offices and I’m kind of confused as to why I can’t get oriented at the place where i’m going to be working. Much faster way to learn what your supposed to be doing.