I have to laugh at myself here. I have been thinking of these stupid random things in my head for well over an hour or four And yet when I go to write them down, mostly to report then later to my therapist, my mind goes blank. I can’t believe this.
Not sure if many year any of my followers, I’m slow to consider you followers mostly I think you’re just more really curious and I really have no better way to spend my time and you’re probably doing some kind of report on mental illness and I hope you do great, but I suffer from Big depression I can’t remember what it’s called exactly but we’ll just call it Big depression and anxiety and self diagnose schizophrenia. I’ll be going to an actual doctor to actually diagnosed stuff but at the moment it’s self-diagnosed and with really no other way of knowing this is what I’m going with.
There are some days when I forget to take my medicine or refuse to take my medicine for XY or Z the reason I’m not sure if any of them right now but I can’t remember the last time I took my medicine which is probably why I haven’t taken my medicine yet.
PS I would put a trigger warning here but I’m pretty sure I told you not to read or at least that you shouldn’t read this blog in the title but going forward there are probably going to be some disturbing things that have come from my mind and out of my mouth because I can’t type or write fast enough and I don’t have therapy until Thursday. If it makes you feel better here is a picture of the dog that is currently keeping me company.
Being alone sucks. Having your own place and living by yourself has so many different positive things that come out of it but at the same time you’re alone and I guess when you’re like me being alone just isn’t the best idea particularly at night when there’s blinds open or when Windows just plain not covered because that is when the paranoia and the voices and the visual hallucinations kick in. Like when the light turns on outside all I can think of is that someone’s watching me waiting for me to go to bed with me to go outside and then I will be in trouble.
Growing up in my house watching the news was a staple of dinner time and the bane of my existence. You see the news never brought any good or positive things into our home. No growing up in the 90s and early 2000s spawned nothing but danger that lurked around every corner you aren’t even safe inside your own house. And when you’re alone in that house the sounds are Amplified every moment every light every shadow is exaggerated to make movements signify Danger. Danger that more than likely isn’t even there.
F*** the news. Is the bane of my existence. If you have a heart in your body please fill your news feeds full of positive things because there is just enough negative things being pushed into our homes through every other form of media. So please push to be a more positive influence in your life and in the lives of the people who follow you.