stop watching me

TRIGGER WARNING:  I’m fucked in the head and i’m alone and paranoia has set in.  If you are triggered easily DO NOT READ THIS.


i feel like i’m being watched.  i’ve covered the windows in the living room so that they would stop but the motion light keeps turning on over the back door.  logic tells me that it’s the wind and the chimes but i can’t stop the feeling of terror that rushes over me.  I can’t stop the fear that freezes me to listen to footsteps that i know aren’t really there.


I hate myself.  i’m scaring my partner, and if i’m perfectly honest i’m scaring myself.  I know a way to calm myself but I can’t because that means going outside and if I go outside then i’ll be in trouble because then they’ll get me.  I can’t be alone.  they watch me when i’m alone.

I have the dogs this time.  To help with my reality checks.  The problem is that i haven’t used these dogs as my reality checks before.  When i moved in with ben, he was my reality check.  now, i’m alone.


stop watching me.