Buy me something.

ok, i’m mostly just trying to figure out what I should buy for myself.  I fucking made it through this year and I will be damned if I don’t get myself something for it.  Granted, I’m just using this as another excuse to spend money I don’t necessarily have but when you have depression you learn to cope.  Going into debt is a coping mechanism and I’ve heard that it’s better than smoking.  Don’t quote me on that.

So I keep going back and forth on buying a book about witchcraft and other types of pagan topics or a dress for my new wardrobe.  The wardrobe is imaginary but so are all of the book shelves that I don’t have.  Let’s be honest, the only space that is “mine” is my van and even then I get told what to do with it.  I think that’s why I got such a demanding sense of wanderlust.  That all my stuff, all my space, would be mine and I would have it all the time.  It might be small but it’ll be mine.

But maybe I do need something back home.  A place to keep the things and memories I can’t keep in my camper/vehicle.

I feel like i’m losing everything in my divorce.  I’m so depressed.

I’m so sorry.

Happy New Year?