Fuck, it’s hot in Iowa

So first, my boyfriend tried to stink me out of his aunt’s guest bedroom and now he’s trying to give me heat stroke IN MY OWN VAN.  My own van!!!  The nerve of some people.  And he keeps telling me it’s to keep the windshield fluid from freezing but I think it’s payback for me throwing a snowball at him at one of the rest stops.  I’ll get him back for this.  I just don’t know how yet.

OH!!!  I had a great idea in my head but Ben was on the phone (with a customer i think.  He has a mobile mechanic business here in Des Moines so he gets lots of calls.) so i wasn’t able to get it out, especially because i was driving.  So, my idea is for those of you who own a home or are in a home where you answer the door to solicitors.  If you don’t answer to solicitors you should start and use this:

Solicitor: “Hello!  May I offer you a free quote for ‘x’?”

Answerer: “That depends.  Do you have the goats I ordered?”

Solicitor: probably looking confused and dumbfounded because they probably want to clean your floor or trim your bushes (insert innuendo laughter here).  “uh- no.  I do ‘x’ and I would like to offer you a free quote”  They have a new sense of reassurance in themselves because obviously you mistook them for someone who has your goats.

Answerer: don’t let them win.  “How can you give me a free quote without goats?  Don’t you know how great they are?  Find your humanity and get the damn goats!!” Slam door closed.  If the solicitor comes back with a quote, GENUINELY LISTEN TO THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE A JEWEL.

And that’s my idea.  It spawned from Ben’s aunt turning away a solicitor because her husband is a general contractor and the kid just wouldn’t give up and me (being crazy) wanted to rush in and save the day with goats!

We are finally pulling into home and all I can think is “Gods, i want to travel.”  I’ve been looking into a new vehicle, one where I can actually use the fucking tow bar on the back and looking into a camper.  I want to travel and be a bum.  Probably not those words but they were all i could think of….