How do you even start writing? I’m not David Copperfield, though I was born. As opposed to being created and turned on into operation like a robot or something. I guess I was pulled out instead of pushed. Does that mean I was removed into this world? Gods, I can barely think. I’m watching The Big Bang Theory sitting on a couch that isn’t mine in a state I’ve never been to before. I’m sad that Sheldon doesn’t say Bazinga anymore. I really hope I can keep this up. I keep starting new journals and diaries but i never continue them. maybe it’s because the pen can’t keep up with my thought process. Sorry Pen.
To clarify, I’m in Colorado. This is to clarify the state and couch that isn’t mine. It’s snowing outside and it’s the first snow I’ve seen this winter. I really want a hot cocoa. Ben and I are up visiting his family for the holidays. Yule is pretty much over and we’re moving into the Christmas celebrations. Things are really awkward because Ben’s uncle is really conservative and we’re…. well, not. Let me explain:
I’m a Heathen Green Witch. I follow the path of the Norse beliefs and believe that I can help the universe and our world by creating things and giving them a special purpose in this world. I go thrift shopping and worry about global warming and how i can create a better world for my son. I’m also depressed and anxious to a medicated level that we’re still working on finding. I believe I may be schizophrenic but I haven’t been diagnosed yet. I try to be as open and honest as I can with everyone around me because I have nothing left to lose. I feel that trying to force people to believe in specific beliefs is futile and the only thing you can do is say your bit and move on. I’m polyamorous. I know that I have enough love in my heart to give to more than just one partner. I’m not a slut. Most of the time, my partners are there for me when I have breakdowns and need help getting to the hospital.
This blog will be about me, my life, my partners through my eyes, and all the little voices in my head that like to have a say.
I’m so over not sleeping but my silly little brain likes to leave my pills in the van. Of course every time i go out to get them… I get distracted. 3 Times by Darla (cat) curled up on a chair on the porch…. I’m a terrible person. but probably not. Youtube is both my friend and my enemy at this point. I keep trying to find things to read or comment on but i’m not good at finding those sorts of things.
Reddit? I still don’t understand how that works. Yeah. I know, i’m getting old, shut up.
no wait, come back! I’m sorry, that was mean of me.
Can we still be friends? Yes you can call me old but only if i get to make fun of the fact that you like justin beiber. fair? fair.
Okay… so youtube…. enemies…. OH!!! So, sleeping on my best friends couch is pretty cool. I get to have the living room to myself, I get to sleep with my dog Nova… and then reality sets in and I end up getting the creepy crawlies all night (My apologies if you continue reading and get them too)
I have picked several ticks off of myself about every other night. Usually I can head this off by performing tick checks on Nova (in particular), Diesel, and Smaug. Smaug is a bit difficult because he is old and doesn’t care for laying on his back. Diesel is rambunctious but usually doesn’t have any on him. Nova, on the other hand usually has anywhere from 1-3 on her at night. I usually try to do the checking after I get home from work since the dogs will have been outside if not all day, then part of the day.
YAAAAAAY country living.
For several weeks now, my friend Crystal and I have been talking about ways that we can make money from home. Not a get rich quick thing or anything. More like, trying to make ends meet and have a little on the side for savings. I’m still trying to save for my camper and Crystal and her hubby, Adam, are trying to save for land of their own. They currently rent but we want to practice a bit of homesteady stuffs.
So far i’ve monetized my blog and Adam has a youtube channel and Crystal and I thought that it would be a good idea to try to start one up. Of course, we have to try to get content and we have to have an editing app for the video. Who knows.
I’m super dumbed down today because all that’s been on the tv has been kids shows….
Feeling really displaced. I know I have places to go wherever I need but nothing to call my own. I have stuff but nothing to put it in that I don’t feel like I’m talking up space.
Transitional states are so hard for me. I like change but I don’t like endings. Often times when change happens,I feel like something is ending. Nothing is but I can’t shake that feeling.
Fuck you taylor swift.
I just got done listing my boos for sale on my etsy. If you love me you would at least consider deciding to maybe look at them. If not, that’s totally cool too.
I really like telling stories. Not really to anyone in general but mostly in my head because I make great short stories in my head that will probably never become a full fledged novel or even a short story.
Got any ideas? I’ve got email. I’m happy to read them, give pointers/what i think would be cool (because really i’m not much of a writer myself) because bouncing ideas is fun and bouncy.
ok. so one idea i had was about bubbles. i know it sounds weird, but you guys should know me by now and if you’re already this deep into this blog you’re accepting of the crazy. I appreciate and fear your tenacity.
So! Bubbles. as in, our own little bubble worlds. The ones where if you peek inside of a group of people walking around the mall, they will have a completely different world going on compared to the next bubble, and the next bubble, and the next bubble, AND FOREVER…. So my writing idea was about writing different stories based on one person in each bubble then either that being the end, or having something really climatic happen and you probably already know where i’m going on this….
Am I really that predictable?
You want to help me make money?
And you want to read more about my life?
And you think I’m crazy for talking to a hypothetical audience that probably doesn’t exist?
Yeah, I thought you would.
But seriously guys, I made the move and now you’re going to see ads on my blog. This helps make me money so I can continue feeding myself and the ducks.
Just kidding, the ducks ate all the bread. I’m starving!
Sometimes, as human beings, we have a tendency to wear faces like masks, interchanging them as deemed necessary before we pass out on our beds/couches/floors/bushes… Whatever. That’s when our true faces show, when we’re sleeping. We don’t have control of how we act in our dreams let alone what others think of us.
Another time we show our true brings is when we’re sobbing our eyes out. No one looks pretty doing that, and for good reason.
If you think I’m going somewhere with this please let me know because I lost my train of thought.
I’m in pain. My neck is out of whack for over a month now.
I’m depressed. Getting threatened at work that you’re going to be raped is one of those things that makes you not want to go near that building ever again. Add panic attacks and having to talk to the police and the fact that he could walk in at any moment and you would freeze like a dumb ass just doesn’t make working easy.
I’m sick.slight fever this morning plus bouts on the toilet are never fun.
I’m in a moment where I feel useless and awful. That moment has lasted all weekend. I couldn’t really cook so I just ate frozen waffles and frozen pizza and brownies.
Winner of worst diet for a depressed person is: probably someone else. Let’s be honest, I can’t tie shoes let alone be healthy.